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Four Steps for Handling Frustration with Teens

July 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

When your young teen has decided to try his hand at backing the car out of the garage after you’ve told him he’s not ready, and the bumper’s scraped, the bushes have a hole in them, and you’re about to let loose with a barrage of #%$@* that would set fire to ice, stop….take a deep breath….and try this response suggested by psychologist Haim Ginott, in his book Between Parent and Child.

  1. Describe the situation: “Son, you just backed through the bushes.”  sigh   (“Yeah, Dad.”)
  2. Tell how you feel about it: “And I’m really ticked off at you!”
  3. Leave!: “In fact, I don’t know what I’ll do if I stay here. Pull the car back in the driveway, clean up the mess and come into the house.”

    4. By the time he comes in the house you’ll have calmed down and will probably be more able to talk with him about the incident without unnecessarily lecturing, criticizing and degrading him, and will be able to work out a solution. And remember, solutions are best when they are worked out by the child:

  4. “So, what do you think needs to be done about it?”

(“Well, Dad, I think I can pay for the damage out of my pizza shop check next week, and maybe go to the nursery for a new bush, and….okay….ground myself tonight….I’m really sorry.”)

Filed Under: Family

Benefits of the Changing Family Landscape

June 27, 2011 by Leave a Comment

It is now estimated that between 17-20% of homes in America are multi-generational.   Increasingly, several generations opt for the financial, social and emotional support that living together affords.

In some cases, grandparents are helping to raise the next generation by moving in with their adult children.  But sometimes it’s the young adult children, now jobless, who are moving back with their parents.

Perhaps this is a real upside to the politically and financially dark landscape that we are in these days.  We need each other!   A benefit to hard times is that we change our perspectives about the glories of being “self-made” and “self-contained.”   Forget the Lone Ranger!

We’re into extended family and community these days.   So get out the board games and fire up the bar-b.   You don’t need expensive restaurants and entertainment when you have a friend at home.

Filed Under: Children, Family, Individual Growth, Transitions

Advice to Help Parents Break the Cycle of Addiction

June 21, 2011 by Leave a Comment

There are many good parenting books on the market but one that I frequently return to in my practice – especially for parents of pre-teen and teen children – is “Parenting for Prevention.”   It’s particularly useful for parents who themselves are Adult Children of Alcoholics and who want to make sure they don’t raise another generation of substance abusers.

It is too easy for ACA’s to slip into some enabling behaviors!    But I think this book is a good read for parents of any nearly or clearly adolescent.    Full of common sense and easy to read with almost no “filler” – I think you’ll enjoy the simple “job descriptions” for parents and kids and the advice on how to avoid those “mixed messages”.   It’s cheap at Amazon or you can order it from a local bookstore.

Filed Under: Book Review, Children, Family